Tired of today’s candidates? Cracked (I continue to be amazed at this magazine’s reincarnation as a premier purveyor of linkbait) offers up its list of “The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All-Time.”

5. Andrew Jackson: As president, beat a would-be assassin senseless with his trademark hickory can.

4. JFK: Said he could only be satisfied if he could have sex with at least three different women each day.

3. John Quincy Adams (definitely did not spring to mind for me as a badass!): Swam across the Potomac river every morning. In the nude.

2. George Washington: Fought at the frontline of more battles than any other president, and despite having his clothes and horses riddled with bullets, was never wounded.

1. Teddy Roosevelt: After being shot by a madman, refused to go to the hospital and delivered a 2-hour campaign speech

I’m not so sure about JFK and John Quincy Adams, but I can’t see today’s candidates matching the exploits of Jackson, Washington, and Roosevelt. If I had to bet on someone kicking ass though, my money’s on McCain.