I wonder what makes a scientist decide to conduct a study of older virgins? (In this case, Michael Eisenberg of UCSF)

And how does that scientist find honest research subjects?

And finally, how do that scientist’s funders feel when they see the results?

We may never find out the answers to those questions, but thanks tothose wacky scientists , we now have a passel of stats about 40-year-old virgins:

• 13.9% men aged 25-45 reported never having had sex
• 8.9% women aged 25-45 reported never having sex

(I’d also be willing to bet that more of those women were virgins by choice)

• Men and women who attended church at least once a week were respectively 5 and 3.9 times more likely to be virgins

(Time to start taking the kids to church!)

• Women with college degrees were 5.4 times more likely to be virgins

(Damn, and I thought “Sorority Sex Kittens” was a documentary!)

• Male homosexuals were 11 times more likely to be virgins than heterosexuals, while female homosexuals were 6 times more likely to say they were virgins than heterosexuals

(Which logically implies that the best way to promote abstinence is to encourage homosexuality…)

• African American men and women were significantly less likely to be virgins than any other ethnic group

(Once you go black, you never go back!)

• Weight, income, and health all showed no association with virginity in men or women

(I guess even if you’re fat, poor, and sickly, sex can still distract you from your troubles!)