How To Love More Effectively

Give people what they need, not what you want to give them.

Love is about considering someone else’s needs; those who insist on loving on their own terms are letting their own selfishness get in the way.

This is not the same thing as loving unconditionally (a common refrain). In many cases, loving someone means calling them on their BS, or pointing out where they need to change.

As my mother put it when I asked her why she nagged me, and not her friends, “I don’t really care what happens to them, so I can just tell them what they want to hear.”

Love takes work. It’s not an effortless impulse. Figuring out what people need isn’t easy (not all questions can be posted via Twitter and answered in less than 140 characters).

But love is worth it.

(Sparked by a Tweet from David Weekly)

1 thought on “How To Love More Effectively

  1. Chris,

    I suppose it's a bit tricky to give people what they need because needs can run hog wild, but it's beautiful to consider it in the context of what I "want" to give them.

    I completely agree with you that love takes work. I guess it helps me understand why I feel so much love from my daughter.

    Although, interestingly, she doesn't need to work much to let me know that she loves me….

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