On my flight from Riyadh to Muscat, I watched the first part of Brian Chesky’s interview on The Diary of a CEO. Brian discusses how, as Airbnb grew and became more successful, and as he became wealthier and more famouse, he become less happy.

As they discussed how chasing status, even when successful, only leads to brief periods of satisfaction, host Steven Bartlett told the story of how a famed psychologist who worked with high achievers told him that all her clients came to her for one of two reasons, and generally both:

They don’t feel like they are enough.

They feel like they are different and don’t belong.

The problem with chasing status as a solution to having these feelings is that this kind of extrinsic motivation doesn’t address the underlying issues.

No matter how much you achieve, you’ll never feel like you’re enough.

No matter how much you convince others to shower you with adulation and praise, you’ll never feel like you belong.

I feel like I’m enough, not because I have achieved more than other people, but because I’m satisfied with what I’ve achieved, and more importantly, what I think of myself.

I feel like I’m different, and because of that difference, I feel like I belong to the motley crew of misfits that surround me in my life.

The solution isn’t to take, it’s to give.

To be loved, love the people around you.

To be accepted, accept the people around you.

To feel like you belong, help the people around you feel like they belong.

When you focus on helping others, you’ll get the help you need.